I have decided to go public with this information, not really to state facts or truth, shed light on anything that I feel needs to be “exposed”, but rather because it is simply an aspect of my ongoing healing from a life of extreme trauma. I do not present this information as “truth”, because personally I have an issue with believing anything is really “truth”, but instead just various aspects of experience and personal interpretation. This information happens to be where I have come to along my healing path and so I openly state it for that purpose, to open it within me in an outward expression so that I can see it more clearly from other angles. And, as with most other areas of my personal healing journey, I present it neutrally to the world as a form of personal healing and evolution, but also with the wonder that there might be someone out there that may in some small way benefit from it in their own life.
Some of you may be aware that I have been working very diligently and with depth on my past traumas. In my three part article called A Personal Look Into A Spreading Epidemic I detail much about PTSD and CPTSD and my personal battles with it and work with it through professional diagnosis. I openly expressed in this article that I have been involved with various healing process angles alongside the assistance of professionals in this area of trauma. I am not shy or in any way ashamed of this simple reality. That brings me to the points of this article.
One major thing that I have realized within the last year is that through my desperation to “heal” and move past my traumas, I looked to almost any avenue I could find that spoke of “truth” and “facts” surrounding my personal issues and challenges on all levels, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. I became an observer and seeker of New Age, UFO “religions” Metaphysics and all manner of beliefs structured by people promising hope, truth, salvation, de-programming, freedom in mind and spirit, etc, etc.
Within those systems I tried to embrace countless techniques being taught and heavily promoted, mostly by people seeking large sums of money, with the internal hope that I would find something that would help me beyond what I already had to work with. I needed to make sense of my confusing and painful life. I needed answers and I was willing to embrace such pathways of others to gain that potential hope and personal freedom through absolute understanding.
From astral entities to off-world beings; angels and demons, possession and trance, psychic and mentalist warfare, spiritual contracts, covert satellite targeting and quite a few other beliefs and methods of seeing existence were among the energies I became wrapped up in. While seeking answers to my own healing path those many beliefs did little more than confuse, complicate and drag me deeper into a personal hell that I was trying to evolve out of. For a time I truly believed in each one of those above listed beliefs and brought them into my life to try and make sense of that which haunts me.
Years passed by and the pain continued and if nothing else, it got worse because of all the techniques and beliefs associated and promoted by those spreading those systems of beliefs and so called “facts “ and “truths”. All those systems created more questions and confusion than I started with and got me nowhere but further in the complexities of pain and turmoil. They also got me hooked up with people, many people who did not have my best interest at heart, even if they claimed they did. There was always a hook, always something deeper and hidden within the shadowy agendas of such groups to be reckoned with.
Even though I was making small levels of progress, I could not owe it to any of the beliefs and techniques I was wrapped up in. The progress I made I found came from the belief in myself without all the beliefs of others. I was lost, but still there was the small part of me deep inside that never believed any of the stuff I was being told was “fact”. Contradiction after contradiction found laced within word, action and material prevented my heart from falling completely into those traps. It was only after almost dying a couple winters back from some “unidentified virus” that I began to wake up from my stupor. I began to step back, way back and question everything.
Months went by and the more I stepped back the more I found myself doubting so much of what people were telling me. Where was the proof? Where did all that information come from? Conveniently there was no proof or source of origin. It was all the word of people claiming to have gotten it from off-world species, channeled entities, spirits and whatnot. It was all nothing more than various forms of religion and religion is nothing more than stories and beliefs of people based from a need to understand and be somehow important in the grand scheme of things.
The “proof” was only in people’s minds and the mind I have learned can make anything seem like reality because to the mind everything is reality, but only if the mind believes it. That was the catch. I began to realize that all the astral garbage that I experienced, the “attacks” during various phases of my healing path, the external interferences and all manner of other craziness that I have gone through in the last handful of years, it was all due to my mind believing the beliefs of those I sought for help. I began to believe the cult organizations, the New Age UFO religions, astral snares and off-world contract beliefs and so my mind began to make them “true” within my subconscious and consciousness. Our mind controls our reality. If you can trick the mind into believing something, whether that belief is based upon something of “reality” or not, makes no difference.
I also found out, the hard way, that the more you believe what someone else is telling you, the more power they can hold over you. In small increments or all at once, if we base our beliefs and life upon the say-so of others, we give part of our personal power away. When I was most vulnerable in the early stages of my healing process I was told by people I sought out that I was this and that, and that I had this issue and that program; that I had this contract with this astral being of off-world group, etc, etc. All of this information was based upon those many people’s own personal beliefs and issues they were wrapped up in. One of the worst things you can do to someone is making them believe something about themselves that is not reality. I learned that first hand and paid heavy prices for it. Many people and organizations take full advantage of people in vulnerable areas of their life and suffering.
Time passed and within the last year and a half I removed myself completely from the focus on off-world interference on a personal level, astral entities stalking me, covert programs coming after me, contracts and programs from and of other-world species and everything else that I had been told, but never found out from my own personal experiences and genuine understanding. Things in my life began to shift. They are still shifting.
I sought out people I felt I could trust, people who were professionals at what they do and who were completely neutral in their approach to and with me. These have been people who knew nothing about me or my past, but rather analyzed and took me for who I am before them, not what they read, heard or got elsewhere by hearsay. I began to talk and open up with more clarity and so without all the distorted hurrah of astral and off-world stories/beliefs. I had realized that those origin beliefs were so attractive and easy traps to fall into because deep inside our ego does not want to be responsible and or does not want to acknowledge the reality of our traumas. The ego wants to blame another, point the finger outside our own mind so we do not have to look too closely at the pain of the subconscious.
For most of my life I have woken up at night in the midst of severe night terrors. My childhood dreams contained your typical monsters and what have you. As the years progressed from childhood these night time terrors shifted and started becoming more complex. As traumas became more and more violent in my life the dreams subsided and my waking reality, my conscious reality was the more violent energy of the two places. Years later when the conscious mind began to realize the extent of the physical violence that my life truly contained the severity of night terrors returned tenfold. I wanted answers, needed answers.
It was then that all manner of people came into my life that were firm believers in astral foulness and told me, very sincerely, that the source of my nighttime “attacks” was from these astral entities. Some who knew of my forced cult involvement as a teenager said it was “pacts” I had made with astral demons now haunting me. Other people were telling me they were caused by off-world species targeting me. Some said it was government agencies I had been involved with toying with me.
To this day I have night terrors and can easily tell the difference between them. I have two main sets or energy category night terrors. The first are dreams, or I should say memories of past events that caused severe trauma within me. I know understand that they are associated with post traumatic stress disorder. The second are night terrors, not memories, but rather dreams of the subconscious that holds unresolved trauma and has no other way to express it.
As described in my article A Personal Look Into A Spreading Epidemic, PTSD swells select areas of the brain and suppresses others. This creates all kinds of issues with relating to what is happening around you. It makes it difficult to differentiate between past events and the present reality. This carries over into the dream world of the subconscious and so memories connected to unresolved trauma can play out while sleeping.
The night terrors of demons and whatnot I found out are not astral entities, off-world species, government projects or black witchcraft, but instead my subconscious that holds strong trauma energy from my past that I have yet to be able to face and successfully resolve in my mind. It is the past haunting my present. They are traumas so deeply buried that my conscious cannot access them and so they surface when the consciousness is asleep and the subconscious holds dominion over the brain’s reality. It is kind of like having gas, lots of intestinal gas. You are at some fancy dinner party perhaps and you hold this gas inside, fearing to let it out at the party. You hold it in and manage to do so, but your waking conscious awareness is not enjoying itself. You are in pain, bloated and feel gross. You count the seconds until you can leave and vent that gas built up inside you. So long as that internal gas (trauma) has no form of release, your waking reality is hell. If the trauma is so powerful that your consciousness cannot yet deal with it, that trauma vents through your subconscious while the conscious is sleeping.
My wife’s subconscious has become so attuned to mine, over the last 20 years, that she can wake up, or even in her sleep, wake me from a night terror because her mind knows when I am having one. These are terrors from traumas yet too powerful for my consciousness to face. These are ones that consume me while I sleep. The interesting part is that when she is away and I sleep alone I rarely have the night terrors. My mind knows when it can safely vent and when it cannot. Like the gas at the party analogy, if you will.
For years I thought that if I saw someone from my past, or present, in my dream that was somehow attacking me that it must be that person, or some astral entity masked as that person doing it. Slowly, over years did I realize that it was not that at all, but rather images from the traumatized areas of my mind communicating the trauma while I slept. I would dream that someone was stealing my energy in some odd out of place dream. I would awake and feel drained thinking that person, entity, etc, stole my energy. It took me years to realize that it was the trauma buried deep and hidden that sapped my energy while I attempted to deal with it while sleeping. No outside force stole it. The mere act of trying to face and deal with it in those deep bowels of my subconscious drained me like any extreme physical, emotional, mental or spiritual activity does.
Over time none of those original ideas of those people accessing and attacking me at night made any sense. Most of those people do not have that kind of ability, and the sheer amount of time that kind of thing would take counted many others out as well. Sure I understand that there are those that will prey upon people’s traumas, but they are not the real issue. It is the unresolved trauma that is the real issue. Resolve that and nothing else can use it to get to you. There are many hateful, twisted, imbalanced people in the world all as a result of their own unresolved traumas that vent in non-productive ways. Those kind of people will and do use other people through their traumas, pains and fears. Almost all of it though is just a mind game. Through the utilization of a person’s trauma they trick that person into thinking all kinds of crazy things, and then the mind does the rest. One of the biggest dangers to the mind in this life is the power of suggestion.
With all of those realizations over the last year I have felt a sort of freedom and lightness that I have not felt in a long time. People have been trying to tell me for years that I would be avoiding my responsibility for taking responsibility for my life if I did not believe their “truth” and work their protocols. During this last year I came to realize that by stepping away from it all and dropping all those beliefs of other people that I was finally claiming full responsibility for me. As a result I have found much more of a peace within my life, a contentment that I am more at ease working with. I understand it is within my ability and not under the heel of some external force. No longer do I find myself pointing fingers at others all the time. Sure there is that conditioned reflex at first, but I am working on dissolving that through the awareness that it is all me and my subconscious trying to communicate and lay to rest the haunting from the severity of past traumas.
I have also found that so many people who claim or are claimed to have astral, mentalist and or psychic “powers” and can access and spy upon or manipulate people are grossly inflated. Sure I understand those abilities exist on many levels, but for the most part I find that unless you give those people permission in some way, they do not have those abilities over you. It becomes more of a fear tactic than anything else. If you believe someone has mental powers over you, then they do because your mind makes it so. But if you gave permission, you certainly can revoke it. Once again, it comes down to your own mind being in control.
Do things like aliens, mind control, cults and so forth exist? Well, of course they do. I have not gone completely loony! I understand I was subject to cult usage, programming and mind control for many years of my earlier life. But I also believe that I can heal from it, no matter how long it may take, I can heal from it. I may no longer have all the pieces of self that I once had before the torture and extreme traumas, but I believe that I truly have enough to heal and obtain a state of being that can be called content. This is what I work on regularly and this belief has been what has guided me to the realizations of my own mind; shedding facts from fictions based upon my own beliefs, experiences, observations and feelings.
So what do I do without all those “techniques” and protocols of others? I simplify. In my article A Personal Look Into A Spreading Epidemic, I layout a long list of basic areas of focus and lifestyle that help me move through each day and night along my constant pursuit of continued self healing. For the sake of ease I have pasted this list below:
- Stay grounded – remain as focused on the present, the now as possible – do not allow the mind to stray into the past or future
- Pull back – if the focus does stray- stop and refocus on immediate surroundings and the 5 senses and what they are picking up – sight, sound, smell, hearing, taste, feel/touch
- Focus on proper, healthy and individual specific diet – avoid consuming anything that you know makes you feel bad or distorts your focus – bad diet bogs down the body and stresses the mental focus further
- Stay well hydrated – a dehydrated brain and body have difficulty with focus and emotion/thought control
- Remain well rested – being tired from lack of rest stresses the body, brain and emotions
- Avoid anything that you know triggers you and stirs up symptoms
- Breathe – focus on breathing fully and under stress, slow down the breath and inhale fully and exhale slowly and smoothly
- Focus on your heartbeat – in times of stress focus on slowing down breathing and the rhythmic beating of your heart
- Take the time you need – do not allow life and others to steal you from the time you require to rest, focus and heal – meditate
- Every morning and night give thanks for everything you did well in the last 24 hours – compliment yourself
- Every morning and night let go of everything that occurred during the day or night – just let it go – do not hold onto anything that happened
- Do not beat yourself up over things that did not go so well for you in the last 24 hours – acknowledge that nobody is perfect and we learn best by making mistakes – it is human
- Do not try to be perfect – instead just try to be You
- Take time for yourself without remaining totally isolated – balance your interactions with others wisely – find the balance of “just right” with “too much” and watch out for” total avoidance”
- Get a trustworthy, loyal and available support group – could be one person, five, ten people – whatever you have in your life – just make sure that not only can you trust them but that they are available – if they are not available they do you no good
- Get exercise proper for you – regular exercise moves the body and its energy decreasing stagnation – it releases stress and relaxes the mind – it oxygenates the system creating a fresh and energizing feeling
- Some people coming out of combat trauma backgrounds with some form of PTSD can benefit from exercise that contains excitement, like some form of outdoor/wilderness excursion – trekking mountains or tracking bear, cougar, etc…
- Do not allow others to judge you – pay them no mind
- Do not blame yourself for your past – it is not your fault
- Be kind to yourself
- Do not waste time trying to place blame on others for your past – both blaming yourself and blaming others accomplishes nothing and wastes precious focus and energy that could be placed into more productive healing energies
- Try to acknowledge things/events of your past without getting lost in them – focus on them to let them go – flashbacks contain details to help us learn something in order to release – why do the specific flashbacks arise? They arise because there is something in them we need to face and release
- Try utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – to me having someone I can trust who remains neutral to talk about traumatic past events assists in self reflection and release of old energies
- Do your best to avoid people that want to hook you up on prescription drugs to “help your mental condition” – they do nothing more than numb your mind and steal your focus on true healing – they are just a toxic cover-up
- Try looking at yourself through the eyes of a neutral, non-judgmental person
- Learn to accept reintegration of all aspects of the self
- Do not get addicted to the suffering
- Understand that the suffering is not you – live past the suffering because you are so much more – suffering is just part of the total experience, not the totality of it
- Remember that it is not easy so it takes time, lots of time and pacing
- Come to understand that the past helped create who we are today, helped give us a powerful insight and foundation of strength in which we might in some fashion helps others even if that means remotely
- Do not look at how far you have to go, but rather how far you have come
- Have faith that in time, with enough work, diligence, self care and acceptance the mind and heart can heal the brain and emotions – life can again be something beautiful and worth waking up to – and maybe, just maybe the body won’t hurt so bad and the past will remain the past
We all live within our minds. Your mind is not my mind and mine is not yours. Everyone’s mind is different in its own right. The mind is the last frontier, the only real frontier we face in this physical state of being. Yet most people avoid it and willingly give their power away to others, to be told what to do, how to live, to be manipulated.
Please keep in mind that I am not telling anyone what to believe and what not to believe. I know many people that I get along with well who hold their beliefs in the astral possession, alien web and alien programming matrix, some god ruling what they can and cannot do, karma and what have you. I respect their freedom to live and believe as they will and do not tell them otherwise. Who am I to tell anyone else what they should believe and how they should live? I am simply stating my own personal feelings and evolutions through my own experiences along my complex healing path, mainly for my own peace of mind. I find that writing things out assists various levels of my personal healing endeavors.
Since the article is long and I feel my original statement is important enough I will reiterate here at the end:
I do not present this information as “truth”, because personally I have an issue with believing anything is really “truth”, but instead just various aspects of experience and personal interpretation. This information happens to be where I have come to along my healing path and so I openly state it for that purpose, to open it within me in an outward expression so that I can see it more clearly from other angles. And, as with most other areas of my personal healing journey, I present it neutrally to the world as a form of personal healing and evolution, but also with the wonder that there might be someone out there that may in some small way benefit from it in their own life.
To your Health and Wellbeing.
~To the Fires of spirit, the Waters of heart, Winds of time and Earth our home~
White Wolf Von Atzingen