For a while now I have been working with a professional who deals with cult survivors and has an impressive awareness of cult activity in the United States. They are part of numerous national cult survivor therapy and support groups.
I hesitated to post this article, but since I have already included some pieces of it here in the Den a while back, I figured I would just go ahead with it. The reason I decided to post it is simply because it has been a major point of my more recent healing awareness’s and the fact that this kind of thing is a global plague that effects far too many people, many of them children, as I was. I am not saying this particular cult, but all cults. The professional I have been working with said it was fairly rare to find survivors these days that had involvements with the Lilith Cult of the 80’s. They did not elaborate yet as to why. Perhaps the cult is dwindling; perhaps it is more active overseas, or maybe it is just the region I am in? I do not know and it really does not matter.
*** Please remember that what follows are only what my brain and body claim to remember as dictated. This does not make it absolute. Trauma does many things to the brain and makes it very difficult to successfully orient the details. Does my brain contain vivid memories and vague memories of the following – yes. Does my body remember events dictated below – yes. Have I experienced traumatic recall from working through the time periods these events are dictated to have taken place while in therapy – yes. Does this automatically mean it is 100% fact and truth – No. This means there are areas of my brain and body that have been traumatized that believe the below dictated details and events are truth, but that does not necessarily mean they are. They may be all true or just partly be truth, and again the brain is a vast frontier that the top specialists in the world do not fully understand. Like I stated above, Trauma does many things to the brain and makes it very difficult to successfully orient the details of traumatic time periods and events. I claim the details below are my memories, both brain and body, but I cannot and do not claim they are completely true to the actual events and time period, only what the trauma remembers. I was young, angry and was forcefully induced with drugs for the below events and also had been traumatized numerous times in my early life by other events that have been proven to be fact.
Yes my brain feels what I have remembered and detailed below is truth. It is fully convinced the information is fact. But my core accepts that the brain has been traumatized and even though my core accepts some of it as fact, I cannot bring myself accept all of it is as my brain remembers. This is the biggest difficulty with traumatic memories. Some tell me this is avoidance, some tell me this is logical and others tell me it really does not matter because the healing processes are all the same no matter if it is all fact or just partly so.
So with all that in mind please read with that knowledge and remember that this article was not written for the intent of trying to format some legal prosecution or convince others of absolute fact. It is just information taken directly from brain and body memories during a very traumatic time period of my life. I present it as such. Through therapy I have come to give acceptance to the possibilities that yes some of the details happened, but others may have been generated in the brain only from the trauma of some of the events that actually took place.
It is not so much my consciousness anymore that retains trauma issues tied to the cult involvement. It is the body that still remembers and needs the most healing. Of course the brain has something to do with it since brain and body are obviously connected. But it seems to always been through hands on healing sessions like physical therapy, cranial sacral therapy, acupuncture and others I utilize that bring about trauma feelings tied to the ex-cult activity, even if the consciousness is not reacting. I have been told this is most likely due to the fact that during the rituals my brain was fractured from forced drug administration and so it was my body that recorded everything and stored it on a cellular memory level. The theory is that during the ritual induced states the consciousness is only partly receiving and the subconscious access is more direct. Combining that with the direct stimulation of highly sensitive body parts to open them, and verbalizing repetitive dialog allows the body to be programmed directly through flesh to act or respond in various ways which by-pass the consciousness.
The professionals I work with told me that the scars on my genitalia are very typical of male slave level members of the Lilith Cult and others similar. I was told only survivors of those cults or professionals trained to help those cult survivors know of those scar marks. They call it “barring” and it is supposedly symbolic of being marked by the talons of the Anzu Bird for slave dominion by Lilith. (Anzu Birds are mythical birds said to have the head of a lion and the wings of either owl or eagle)
I was a male slave in the Philadelphia region Lilith Cult during the 1980’s from the ages of 13 into my 16th year. The main cult sector at that time ran out of Philadelphia and stretched into all of eastern Pennsylvania, southern New Jersey, northern and western Maryland and Delaware. I was never allowed to speak. I was never allowed to wear any clothing. I was always injected with a syringe before a ritual. I was a symbol of the beast during rituals. My sexual energy was provoked, brainwashed and forcefully directed in the rituals only to be used in conjunction with sexual rituals, sacrifice and tapping. The sacrifice aspect was rare though and so to my memory did not happen often, maybe once every year and half. That was my only purpose there, my place.
I to my handler was like men are to Lilith – meat to use, to inflict suffering on the maiden figure and harvest sexual energy from. This she did for the years I was in the cult and then continued the harvesting practice for a couple decades after I was out of the cult through “astral” means.
The first place I remember meeting my old handler, “Lilith”, (I named her such because of this cult) was not in the agency training facility, but in a cult ritual. This was not a ritual connected to the government in any way that I would recognize. This was a ritual being performed by a cult, what I came to know as the “Lilith Cult”. I had been street fighting since I was around 13. Most heavily I was fighting at age 15 and 16, but I had gotten involved in street fight scenes a couple years prior. It was a bad crowd. After one of my fights I was told there was another fight if I wanted it. I agreed and was loaded into a fancy black Camaro. I was driven into Lancaster PA and was brought to an old brick building that looked like some sort of office structure. I was then guided inside, down a few hallways into a back room. She stood in that room wearing a long black gown. That was the first time my conscious memory remembers meeting her. She looked at me with a dead face and said, “I’ve been waiting for you.” She injected my arm with a needle and lead me down a dark staircase to a room in-which the ritual took place.
After reading through everything here the question some people might ask is why did I not leave the cult? That is a great question. The answer contains a foundation darkness of any cult – brainwashing. I remember being threatened in every ritual while under forced drug influenced while blood from the sacrifice was being smeared on my body. These sacrifices were rarely human. I only remember two in all the years I was in the cult. Most of the time it was birds being used. A number of times I recall a goat. My brain was not in a centered place and whatever place they had pushed it into, it was vulnerable. I was told under those conditions that Molech would be displeased if I spoke about any of it or tried to leave or disobey my Nanny. (Nanny was the “code” name they gave to the handlers there and I would guess it had some kind of reference to the prominence of the monster type goat figure associated with The Lilitu) I was told Molech would hunt me through life and death if I displeased him and when he caught me I would burn eternal in his fiery gut. They told me they would have me thrown in prison for the treacherous and wicked things I had done, where they were all witnesses. I was 13, traumatized by the drugs and rituals, sexually opened; yes I believed them after what I witnessed in those ceremonies. Fear keeps you in a cult like that.
This first short section is a repost of an article I wrote 4 years ago with a few updates:
Lilith is another name for Queen Semiramis. She was and is known as the “Snake Mother”, “Serpent Goddess”, “First Serpent” among many other names with similar meanings. This was the Babylonian Goddess who can still be seen in many places today. It is said the Statue of Liberty is one such place. This statue was given to America by French Freemasons who knew full well that this statue represented Queen Semiriamis and has nothing to do with freedom but rather mass slavery. Nimrod was the Babylonian sun god and is represented by the torch the Statue of Liberty holds high. What does the Statue of Liberty stand upon, a 10 pointed sun symbol… This of course was given to America by the French and their religious roots can be traced back to the Egyptians who actually founded France, Switzerland, Scotland and Ireland.
Lilith in Sumerian times was also known as The Sumerian Lilitu. In Babylonia she was called The Babylonian Lamashtû. The hand of Innana and the the Daughter of Anu. It is said Innana sent Lilitu out to lead men astray and unto their doom.
The Lily is also a major symbol for this ancient Queen. Today it can still be seen all over in what is called the “fleur-de-lis”. To my knowledge in occult beliefs this is the symbol of Lilith or the “Serpent Goddess”. It can be found from the House of Windsor to the Boy scouts to the gate of the White House. As far as I know it represents the hybrid human (mix of mammalian and reptile) bloodline which can be seen clearly in the ancient Babylonian Queen.
She has also been the focus for some as a major Reptilian oriented satanic deity, which is just another version of Queen Semiriamis from old Babylon. She shows up in some versions of the Christian Adam and Eve story as well. In Christianity Lilith is depicted as half woman, half snake, the wife of Adam and the mother of Cain. Through this system of beliefs she gave birth with Adam to many demons including vampires. Lilith is a huge figure in Satanic and “Secret” rituals worldwide.
Lilith is known by an amazing number of names that all directly point back to this dark Goddess. Even the “Goat of Mendes” is a representation of this same deity.
The fact is that the idea of Lilith and the worship of the Lilith energy has been found in a great many cultures throughout the ages and among those cultures there are an amazing amount of variations to who and what Lilith was and how exactly she was worshiped or not. I think it unwise to look at any one story and embrace it as the true and actual story of what or who Lilith was. Even with all the variations of the stories there are foundations that resonate from one to another, some of which I detial in the next section below.
There is talk of a horrid ritual that still takes place today among the elite of the political, militaristic and economic world Lilith and Nimrod are still worshiped through a demonic name called Moloch or Molech. This demon, Moloch (also known as Nimrod) was and still is worshiped by the elite bloodlines through the offering of a child through fire. It is written one such ritual takes place at Bohemian Grove. Other rituals honoring and even invoking the energy of this dark entity involves sexual ritual ending in blood sacrifice. This was briefly touched upon in Shadow Scorpion.
My Handler was someone high up in the cult and was also heavily involved with rituals that involved Moloch energy and rites.
The following are additions with a bit more depth and background: (but again, just bits and pieces of a great many stories surrounding the Lilith energy)
In legend Lilith primarily feasted upon females; women and children. In Babylonian times there is reference to Night Ghosts that roamed wild areas seeking female flesh. With the evolution of beliefs these Night Ghosts took on other monstrous forms and demons; things like snakes, hybrid animals such as man-goats, man-wolves, and other creatures. They were associated with lions, storms and disease.
In many images of old Lilith was seen with Owls such as the screech owl as well as snakes. In some beliefs the Serpent in the form of Lilith brought forth humans into the world. The whole Adam and Eve story – the snake is the embodiment of Lilith as she seduced Eve with eroticism and made her, her concubine. Lilith the snake gave the forbidden fruit, the darkness of erotic sexual energy. Lilith becomes the dark seductress of primal urges. Lilith then goes on to bring forward the forbidden paths of Lust and Love, the paths of the red and black serpent.
The black Lilith is said to veil our eyes the Veil of Death. Her blood contains the highest and purest line of DNA, of genetics. Her blood is said to be the breeding grounds for a new race, a Dominion Race of humankind. She is said to be able to only give birth to those people of elite genetics. She is the Scarlet Woman, a transcendence of modern humans into an elite state of power.
The worshipers of Lilith unlock, embrace and enact the most physical levels of ritualized sex activity. Lilith harvests sexual energy from humans. She is the embodiment of humankind’s salvation through elite blood, secret genetic codes, rites and the ultimate sacred feminine. She is the feminine darkness.
Lilith Cult rituals are filled with tantric magic based upon the foundation of sex and death. Lilith is said to be potently sexually manipulative and aggressive towards males and will even visit them in erotic dreams to force heightened sexual energy for harvesting.
She is sought in darkness and desolation. She is said to hold the ultimate secrets of the primal abyss of darkness and unfathomable potentials. Lilith is the non-physical night, the darkness divine and hidden in the depths of the human mind – the blackness of the void from which all life springs.
This section is a repost of part of the Memory of Glass series: (below the prayers there are two more rituals briefly detailed)
As I neared the old brick structure I made sure to note everything I could see on and around it. Two stories high, two hundred feet along the street and a good three hundred in depth; typical early 1900’s red brick style with close road exposure and a narrow drive on the right side which crept next to an old torn up chain link fence. I could glimpse a fenced in parking lot in the rear of the old building. Ancient white oaks and sugar maples stood around the red brick like guardians. They almost gave the area comfortable old towns feel. No cars could be seen in front or to the rear. The windows looked to be made of the old single pane glass by their warped reflections. Typical old Pennsylvania town.
I walked slowly along the broken sidewalk and took note of the old screen door standing in front of the paint peeled wooded door behind it as the front entrance. The dirty cement steps of five in count led to the antiqued entryway. Instantly I had a flashback of walking up those same steps in the dark. Well it was not completely dark as the street light that stood by the sidewalk was on. I recalled that it gave a dim, flickering yellowish glow. There were two men in long black coats behind me and Lilith walked next to me on the right. It was night and the air was warm for June. The coats the men were wearing must have been for show and perhaps to hide guns.
When we reached the peak step the door opened and a greeting figure was backlit with the glow of incandescent light. Lilith pushed past the figure as if it was no more important than a flea or cockroach. I followed her in and the two men behind us turned and walked back down the steps as the door closed.
The interior was broken into many rooms and hallways to my left. The right side contained one large office space. An array of desks and chairs spaced evenly containing phones and all manner of clerical instruments filled their tops. The office was empty. It was odd because I didn’t see any signs around telling what the office was there for.
We turned left and headed down the dimly lit hallway. The walls were white and the floor was wood planking. The entire length was about 30 feet and it ended with a door to both sides leading into two rooms. On the wall in front of us between the doors to the sides hung a plaque. It was an image of a white lily set upon a foot of an owl and the lily had a snake coiled around it. Under the owl looked almost like flames, but it could have been grass I suppose.
We turned right into the room and went through a wooden doorframe. The room was plastered with wallpaper containing lilies and vines. There was a single desk and bookshelf along the far wall. I saw three more doors that were all closed along the walls in that room. Two men stood by the wall in front of me and appeared to be like the men out front, some kind of security.
Once we were inside the door was closed behind us exposing another door into the wall behind it. That wall did not have wallpaper but instead was painted gray. One of the “guards” came over and pulled out a small kit from under his coat. Handing it to Lilith he dutifully stepped aside. Lilith opened the case and removed a small syringe and quickly stuck it into my arm as quick as a snake bite.
I could feel my mental and physical focus begin to shift. I no longer felt myself. Lilith motioned for me to follow her down the old wooden stairs. Once we were both on the stairs the door closed behind us and I heard a bolt slide shut on the other side.
We walked down the stairs and as we descended into the basement room all I could feel was anger and sexual energy. Nothing else remained. When we reached the bottom there was a small entryway type of space with a large opening across that led to a large room that gleaned bright white. Lilith had me remove my clothes and in my new mental state I could not refuse. She entered the other room briefly and return. She places some kind of dark red jewelry style chain around my neck and fastened it. Then we both walked into the white room.
Along the right wall were nine figures cloaked and hooded in pure white cloaks. They blended in with the pure white walls that made up the room. The ceiling was white and the floor was white as well. The lighting was such that I could not seem to make out the natural divisions between wall, floor and ceiling. The entire space ratio was so strange.
The only color in the room was the dark red coiled and reared symbol of a snake and two owls standing beside it, one to each side. Below it was a human figure with the head of a giant bull. It was on the ceiling. Below it was a dark red 5 pointed star on the floor about 6-7 feet across. The two other dark red colors came from the cloak Lilith had adorned and the red outline of a flower on the wall in the far left corner. Above the flower was a symbol that looked like a circle with a bar across the bottom as if the circle were sitting on a bar that jutted out past the sides.
The nine figures were chanting in some foreign language. Then I saw movement out of the corner of my left eye from the whiteness. It was a human figure that seemed to have a body-forming suit of pure white. It was freaky and set me into fight mode. Lilith directed my attention, however, to the star on the floor. I saw 4 other white figures against various walls as well. The cloaked figures seemed to change into something else. They looked like white reptiles wearing white cloaks. No longer did I see 9 human figures, but rather 9 cloaked reptile type creatures standing upright like humans. But this was the affects of the drugs they gave me. They were just people in white cloaks. (the drugs were some kind of cocktail including stimulants and light hallucinogens most likely)
Since the top of the stairs I had a rock hard erection. The chanting changed and the flower and symbol across the room moved. It seemed to disappear and all turned white. From the whiteness came a red cloaked figure flanked by two white cloaked figures. The three of them walked along the far wall, turned and moved towards the room’s center. They stopped by the star. The red cloak was removed leaving a nude young female. Her eyes were fogged over and her blonde hair hung free. She was like a zombie. The two white cloaks moved her into the star and sat her down and then exited back into the white and the flower and symbol returned.
The female was slightly moaning and moving about on the floor. The chanting changed again and I saw one of the white figures in the far right corner move and all of the sudden there was a roar and flames blazed in a square shape halfway up the wall.
The flower disappeared again and the white cloaks carried out an unconscious or dead male child and laid the body against the wall. The flower and symbol returned.
Lilith walked over to me and grabbed my erection, pointed to the star and my mind went fuzzy. I remember walking over and forcefully having sex with the female. It seemed to last a while. There was nothing in my conscious state beside sexual energy and anger. My body seemed to be floating on the sounds of chanting in the emptiness of that white space. The sound of chants and moans, flesh to flesh and fire roaring seemed like eons away and I was floating in nothingness.
I heard Lilith say something, something that echoed in my head like an explosion and I felt myself change again. A rage flooded me and I sunk my teeth into the girls flesh and her blood filled my mouth. There was no scream; it was as if she felt nothing. With the blood in my mouth my life-force entered her as her neck snapped and the name “Molech” was chanted over and over and over in the room. The girl’s dead eyes stared up at the ceiling while her body was left behind underneath me. I lost the last remaining conscious aspect of me. I slipped into a violent wrath and blanked out.
The next thing I remember was standing soaked in blood next to Lilith. The girl’s body was cut into pieces on the red bloody star. The white cloaks from around the room where now splattered with red. That fucking chanting continued as the child’s body from across the room was thrown into the fire. The pieces of the girl I was just with were also offered to the fire. A tear ran down my cheek. I was reentering my body and began to feel once again. The tear ran off my face and fell to the floor and Lilith turned and smacked me hard with a dead stare of complete emptiness. The rage returned and I wanted to tear her throat out, but I could not. I was frozen there, unable to move. The acid hate coursed through my veins and heart. She then whispered something and I felt my consciousness dim down and I followed her to the fiery inferno. She removed a wire that glowed white it was so hot, grabbed my penis and laid the wire across the back of the shaft next to two others brand marks. The smell of burning flesh filled the air but I felt no pain. She said “The fire of your life consumes your seed, the masculine youth of the world and the sexual forces of woman in sacrifice to true power and thus your body will remember.”
The above was one of the rituals involving Molech worship through Lilith energy and tantric directions. Sometimes goats were brought in and sacrificed and sometimes they would have large snakes, pythons, present in the rituals. The ritual described above with actual human sacrifice, like I stated before, seemed to be very rare and in all the years I was in the cult I only recall it happening twice, maybe a third time but that possible time is not clear in my memory at all.
During some of the rituals I was part of I would hear the opening prayer. Part of the pray I remember hearing time and time again went like this:
Come descend, oh demon-Queen of Malkuth thou Queen of Hells,
thou Mother of Harlots and flesh abominations of the earth, Oh Maid of Desolation!
I call for Death – I will for Death – I open for Death!
Come descend oh Bride of Samuel thou Maid of Tempest and Lust!
Come descend thou Screech Owl, thou Howling Cat, thou Tortuous Serpent!
I call for Death – I will for Death – I open for Death
Come descend oh Mare of Night thou Owl of Darkness, holder of the Raging Bull!
Come descend oh female of Night thou Woman of Whoredom!
I call for Death I will for Death – I open for Death!
(Then there was a long list of ancient names being evoked for the ritual)
I think it ended with:
Thou Maiden who seized the light!
(or Thou Maiden who consumes the light!)
During rituals like I detailed above the prayer was different and went like this:
Through fire and blood He shall descend upon us!
Of Iron and Flame He shall create!
Thou Great Bull, Demon children eater, hear our secrets!
I call for sacrifice, I call for blood!
Oh demon of lust and pain, feeding on children screams!
Through the Scarlet Woman you rage unto the earth!
I call for sacrifice, I call for blood!
Track through ash and bone; raise the flames to torn heaven aloft!
Thou strip the earth bare of joy; plow the blood path for Storm
and devour hearts of mothers!
I call for sacrifice, I call for blood!
Thou Raging Bull King of Sun!
Thou Raging Bull King of flame!
Descend upon us through blood and ember!
Now through drum and flute pass through the fires to Molech!
It was that second prayer I heard most often and it still shakes me inside.
Another ritual they used follows the same opening principles and actions but after the opening I was tied down spread eagle over the floor star. With continual chanting around me they guided three young females from the back room behind the lily. Each one was brought to me and with glazed eyes and emotionless faces they mounted me one after the other until was spent three times. After each one got off me they moved to my right, picked up a dagger from the floor and stabbed themselves through their heart. Lilith came over and painted symbols on me from head to toe with their blood while singing something in another language. The bodies were cut up, the white robed people smeared blood on themselves and some of them engaged in sex with each other around me. The bodies were disposed of in the furnace over in the corner of the room. I do not remember anything after I was branded again.
The last ritual I can remember being forced into they called Little Demons of Molech. Again it opened the same and I was tied over the star. But in that horrid ritual children came out nude and painted in red with white symbols and Arabic writing all over their bodies. To me the really looked like small demons. They were clearly drugged as they crawled all over me, biting, hitting, tickling, sucking and tormenting me in anyway they could. When Lilith approached they forced ejaculation with their mouths and after they covered me completely with a heavy white blanket. I could not see anything as the jabbed me in the ribs and hit me all over until I went unconscious.
Those are the only three types of rituals I can remember from inside that cult. I still have nightmares on occasion revolving around those rituals and my wife has to wake me up from them. I think the idea that such dangerous cults use regular human sacrifice is grossly overstated. I think, as with this cult, if sacrifice took place it is mainly with various animal livestock. Even though those three listed rituals are the ones I remember being used in, the human sacrifice part only took place on two occasions in all those years. Most of the rituals revolved around chanting, torture, sex, props, humiliation, anger, shame, pain, wickedness and all manner of very dark low energies.
With professional help and research we have discovered the two locations the rituals took place and have a good idea how many I was used in. More than I care to recite. To my knowledge I was never used in the primal worship ceremonies, just the sacrificial ones involving evoking Molech. Though I am making progress I have a ways to go with it all, but like I stated in the beginning, more on the physical memory level. This is one area of my past that still haunts me, much more than most other trauma areas.
I know this is not a pleasant subject, but since I feel the subject is essential to the healing knowledge of this world and it affects hundreds of thousands of people globally (cult involvement that is), it is one of those dirty subjects that needs more light.
50% of children abused by cults are male and 50% female. The misconception is that it is mostly female children being abused. Another misconception is that male children are not raped by women, which in cult activities happens just as often as female rape. However, since that misconception abounds there are far fewer people and shelter trained to help male survivors of cult abuse than there are for women survivors. Many males who were abused in cults as children and adolescents have far more fear of coming forward because they are afraid of the ridicule or even being blames as a perpetrator. This is not the case. The following quote was taken from a Cult Survivor Refuge website:
“This is not true. She did not choose to initiate any of the acts. She was not in a situation in which she could have refused to participate. This is important for us to keep in mind if she reveals anything awful that she did. She was fighting for her life.”
The “she” can easily be exchanged with “he”.
Here are some groups set up to help cult survivors for anyone in need: