Orgasm is an interesting thing. It can be connected to some of the most powerfully uplifting energies we experience and on the other hand it can come about from the darkest energies we come in contact with.
I have been approached by various people, mainly females, over the years (not sure why but I seem to draw people’s stories without ever asking- many people offer them freely no matter how personal) that tell of carrying deep and powerful levels of shame, guilt, fear and all the ugliness that goes with it because when they were raped earlier in their lives they experienced an orgasm. I can see how this could be one of the most degrading, self abusive and confusing issues connected with rape.
The first female I came across with this plague was when I was in my teens teaching a self defense course. There was this young girl, not much older than I, who signed up. She was a very quiet blond hair, blue-eyed student who was signed up by her mother. I did not even see her for weeks after the sign-up. When I did I noticed old bruises healing on her that had attempted to be covered with makeup. One day after class she came up to me and in private relayed that she had been raped in a local park. She had been a virgin. I offered my condolences as best as I could at that age and told her that was nothing to be ashamed of and it was not her fault. It was then she told me she was ashamed because she had an orgasm during the rape, got up and walked away.
I did not see her for a month after. She returned for short while and we only spoke one more time. She asked if there was a good martial arts school I would recommend. I gave here a name. A year later I visited that school, as I used to visit many of the local schools, so they all knew me. I inquired about this girl to see if she ever followed through. She had signed up, but sometime after had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized. People said it had to do with her rape, but I remembered what she had told me and understood a deeper reasoning.
The first orgasms I experienced with other people around was during abuse and cult ritual when I was in a force drug induced state (explained further in my article titled Lilith & Molech Cult Reality). Beyond those 3 years the next was under torture. Being forced to have orgasms through electronic stimulation while being forced to watch horrific events, imprinting those pathways in the brain… in a room full of people watching me like an experiment lab animal. Each orgasm was timed to go off while very select images were being shown. Is this not rape?
This of course was buried deep inside, hidden for years and years from my subconscious, but affecting me on a continual basis. Even when it was unknown to my conscious mind it was affecting my sex life and relationships. Once it became known it affected me even more until I learned to let it go. How I learned to let it go was by coming to understand what sex really is, what orgasm really is and how trauma affects the brain and body. Only then did I understand and accept that I had no control over it, just as I had no control over what others were doing to me. My body was not orgasming because I was enjoying myself, loving anyone around me or even feeling “good”. It was happening because orgasm releases emotions and I was in hell.
Though consciously I understand there is of course subconsciously that trauma locked in the body on many levels and is something I continue to have to work at healing and it is a very slow process. Remember from my many articles on trauma that trauma itself has a very different perspective on life since trauma does not understand a progression of time, it only understands the now, the moment of which it is locked, even as the conscious mind lives on and moves through linear time. The trauma mind is literally locked into a past moment of time, living it over and over until it can be found, addressed and released.
During deep healing sessions people can experience multiple “minds” at the same moment in a session. The conscious mind is aware of the session, the room, the practitioner, techniques being used and so on. However, if an area of old trauma is located and is being addresses on whatever level, that trauma mind (in the subconscious) may also be present and even go so far as to be reliving the original trauma inside the clients body. If it is strong enough it can threaten to override the conscious awareness of the current moment in the healing and fall into the time frame of the traumatic event completely, meaning the consciousness is moved aside and the present state of mind is only aware of the trauma event as it happened.
I think it helps to look at it in the way of the old Northern Stave Carriers of the ancient Teutonic people, or in a generic modern term “shaman”. They believed in three aspects of energy involving time that later became known as three goddesses; Urd, Verdandi and Skuld (that which is, that which is becoming and that which should be). The only thing separating them was the belief in linear time. However, they believed in a version of time expressed simply as an mingling unity of a constantly changing or shift present; the flow from what has been to what will become. All time that has ever been therefore is still happening and influencing the present and tomorrow. There is no pause, only flow. The conscious and subconscious can be looked at in this manner as well. They are one in the same but the only difference is their perspectives on time. The subconscious views existence as the three expressions or three goddesses of the Ever Flow. The consciousness tries to hold the illusion of divisions between them through the concept of linear time, but it can never be strong enough to undermine the subconscious. So instead it should be used to clean the flow of the subconscious.
This is why when working with a health care practitioner on trauma, they need to be really in-tune with the client and their own higher connection of intuition to help ground the client in the Now, help keep the clients consciousness in the present time as they work to release the trauma energy of the past. This can happen in a variety of ways:
- verbal reassurance
- holding or rubbing the feet or hands
- holding/cradling the head
- holding or placing covering hands over the area of the body that was traumatized
- as well as many other possibilities that must be felt by both practitioner and client in the moment
- but no matter what there must be 100% trust or the healing will not work
The action of orgasm comes from the liver, but the strength and quality comes from the kidneys. The kidneys are water and water is emotion. During times of extreme physical trauma, especially when it involves the sexual energy of the body, the emotional build-up can become so intense that in order for survival, the body has no choice but to release some of that energy in any way possible. Orgasm happens to be one such way. Both male and female.
In my life I have identified different kinds of orgasm:
This is of course the kind of orgasm people experience when two people are deeply emotionally involved. It is mutual, caring, expressively loving and creative in beneficial forms. The whole body feels it, the spirit feels it and it seems to extend beyond time and space into the forever. It is an experience of completeness. Yes it can be achieved through self love as well, but not nearly as powerful as shared love.
It has been noted through past observations from olden times that in some males their body gains an erection and can even go as far as ejaculation when they are hanged by the neck in execution. It has also been noted that in some people, both male and female, spontaneous orgasm or ejaculation can occur when the body is under extreme duress. Even when a person is very ill they can have spontaneous orgasms in their sleep that are very different than your normal “wet dream”). Throughout recent history it has also been noted that people being tortured can experience spontaneous orgasms due to the extreme levels of trauma, both mental and physical. These orgasms are draining and can be exhausting. They do not feel good, but rather contain a physical intensity like acid or fiery poison or disease moving through and even an emotional intensity of anxiety, fear, depression, shame and guilt.
These can be the same kinds of spontaneous orgasms experienced by trauma victims in healing sessions; anything from acupuncture to physical therapy, massage therapy, cranial sacral work and other modalities. The difference between the ones during healing and the ones during trauma are separated by a fine line. They both vent excess emotions to try preventing emotional overload which can physically cause dangerous levels of shock in the body. They are both in response to high levels of duress. However, the ones accompanying trauma are more of a safety feature to attempt saving the body itself. The ones that can happen in trauma healing are venting locked emotions from the original trauma that could not be expressed or even felt at the time because the body and brain were in survival mode. But even healing from trauma is a form of trauma, but a beneficial one.
Even men going through detox of just about any kind of internal toxin can experience more than average night emissions as the body attempts to clear the toxins. Females can experience more nocturnal orgasms as well for emotional releases.
These are the kinds or orgasms induced by conditioned of programmed thoughts sent out by media, religion, cults and so on. They are typically based in frustration, feelings of duty, inadequacy and many other socially conditioned and promoted emotional states. These kinds of orgasm are limited in feeling, do not feel anything like a love induced or trauma induced orgasm and never engage the whole body. They are shallow, non-expansive, easy for others to tap into and literally “harvest” for their own manipulative uses and degrading. They emit energy without the pure intent of the person’s spirit. That means the energy is harmful to the body (depleting without a beneficial purpose – as opposed to temporarily depleting to vent toxic trauma) and very mechanical in movement, purpose and use rather than beneficially expansive to the wellbeing of life itself from a cellular level.
It is no secret a depleted people are an easily manipulated people. Shadowy factions of governments and dangerous cults manipulate the media and entertainment levels of society to promote the shallow promiscuous levels of Conditioned/Programmed sexual responses in order that people continuously engage in this level of orgasm as opposed to the healing, uplifting, beneficially creative and “pure” levels.
The reason you do not hear much about this topic as I have addressed it is because of this last orgasm type and its purpose. Socially keep it a taboo topic and you keep people away from the truth and hope of reclaiming the purity of self and chance of elevating self to more refined states of being.
Now one of the ugly tricks the brain plays is through social conditioning of tainted sex ideas. Since most people are not taught what orgasm and sexual energy are all about, they can develop all the low energy, self defeating emotions such as guilt, shame, fear, anxiety and self hate after a traumatic experience in-which their body went through the actions of orgasm. It becomes necessary then to reset the brain’s focus with facts, not conditioning. When a human orgasms during trauma it has nothing to do with who they are. Instead it simply shows that the body is in-fact human and run on electricity from the brain. When struck most people recoil while others turn and fight. Does this label them as “good” or “bad”? Of course not. It is a natural survival reaction.
Another key is that if a person experienced conscious orgasm during trauma, the brain and body remembers that connection and this can interfere with the experience of orgasm later on. It becomes important to disconnect that association and recondition orgasm with higher level energies. Orgasm, like sex, is a tool. But a tool can be used to build or destroy. If we can learn to use it to build it is all the more powerful, no matter what it has been used for or forcefully brought about with in the past.
During sex the deepest emotional areas are stirred and felt by both partners. The more unresolved issues a person has, especially around their sexuality, the more that will be subconsciously felt by their partner and those energies can help direct the way the sexual experience goes. However, change those bottled up emotions that were created out of a time when the person could not understand, and the sexual experience will also change.
As I have been told and have found out many times before- it always gets worse before it gets better. As of this writing I am still in that phase. Processes can be very long and slow because to rush trauma healing is to heighten the chance of breaking regions of the brain and body. That is a proven fact.
I like to think of it like cleaning out our pond here in the yard every spring. At first it seems easy but smelly draining the water. But the more water that is drained out, the more sludge is exposed until the sludge at the bottom plugs up the hose and water can no longer drain. Then I need to get in the pond and muck it out with shovel, bucket and wheel barrow until the sludge is gone. It is heavy, stinky, messy work. But I know that if I do and get it all cleaned up, once I fill it with fresh water and put fish in it, the pond will be a thing of beauty for us to enjoy all warm season long. So I do it every spring and every year we have the pond and all the amazing life it draws to enjoy.
The exact way that someone should follow to come to terms with and heal that area of trauma in their life can only be found by them. Others can suggest, but THE way needs to be found and embraced by each person because we are all unique. For me details found in the PTSD book I wrote can help, as can focusing on the Medicine Wheel… I feel ALL of those sources contain powerful tools to assist in healing and personal growth. Personally the Medicine Wheel has saved my life many times over through many years. For myself the codes of the warrior and even the 9 connections through the 3 layers of reality in accordance with Viking philosophy (one of my strong genetic lines) is of daily help to me.
Orgasm is a tool, a tool we can consciously use and also a tool of the body for growth, health, pleasure and in worse case scenarios- survival.
For anyone who has experienced such sexual traumas in their lives, remember, you are not dirty, evil, ugly, tainted or damaged goods. You are a beautiful child of this earth, pure in heart and here dancing with purpose, as are we all. Nothing done to you in the past can change that. If it could then I would be something nobody could look at, but that is not the case because I KNOW it is not, just as you do. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Feel your body and smile. Feel your heart and smile. None of it is tainted. It is only a trick that makes you think so. It is the trauma locked in the subconscious that can think those degrading things, even if you have consciously comes to grips with it. Fragmentation within is the surest recipe for unhappiness. One of the deepest lessons we can embrace is the realization and practicality that true freedom derives from not denying or judging any part or path of our human experience.